Opening Day...
I managed to make it out to opening day at Dodger Stadium this year. What a glorious day it was! Dodgers won...and all was right with the world.
But what a lousy time I had.
Sitting in the bleachers has always been fun. Always.
Now, it's Raider Nation in blue.
The most obnoxious, vile displays of humanity were visible that afternoon in the right field box. It was enough to make me yearn for the comfortable, safe, confines of Folsom Prison.
I counted four fights in our section. Four.
One because two guys tried to slap at a beach ball at the same time and ended up hitting each other. One thing lead to another and security was called in.
A Dodgerarian felt it was neccesary to remind a Giant fan sitting in the seat next to him that the "GIANTS SUCK" over and over again, at teh top of his lungs, for a good three minutes. Having had enough he pushed Dodger Nation to the ground. Security was on the scene...bodies ejected.
Two Dodger Nationites couldn't agree as to who had who's seat. One of the two didn't like that the usher was telling him that his seat was in the next aisle so...security was called...Dodger fan took his seat.
Lastly, Dodger Nation 1 had a Dodger dog thrown at the back of his head by Dodger Nation 2 during the 7th inning stretch. Security pummeled said fans with thrown dodger dog.
And beach balls, oi, beach balls!
There oughta be a law against bringing them into a sporting event. But we need to start by going after the suppliers.
That would by the 99 Cent Stores. Every beach ball, save three, had emblazoned on them, "99 Cent Stores."
Two of the other three were shaped like tylenol capsules and had written on them "ROID'S" and "BALCO." Obvious references to Barry Bonds and the steroids issue plaguing baseball.
The last ball wasn't a ball.
It was an inflatable woman. Sigh...
And I swear if I ever hear someone say the phrase "____ SUCKS" again I just might pop someone in the kisser...and I will become a Giants fan. As I live and breathe...I will go over to the dark side.
And lastly...poor Michael Tucker, outfielder for the San Francisco nine, had to put up with taunts, curses and the ever imaginative, middle finger every time he came out to his position in right field. EVERY TIME.
These moronic Dodger Nation people (all men...all sporting tattoos, all wearing long shorts...all looking like extras from the movie "Colors") would stand, en masse, scream at the poor guy and flip him off, both hands, pumping away with boths arms, like pneumatic drills trying to tear a hole in the sky.
It was pathetic.
Luckily the real vermin were carefully cordoned off, deep in the bowels of the bleachers, unable to wreak their special brand of fanaticism on Dodger Nation. All fifteen of them...smoking their ciggies...
I tell you what...I would have given anything to have had those fifteen people sit near me, smoking away, than the 400 idiots that most of us had to endure that afternoon.
This I also will tell you...smoking isn't a crime. Being an asswipe in front of children is.
The fan behavior ruined an otherwise beautiful day at the ball park.
Blue skies, pigeons swooping down into the field, Stealth bomber majestically flying over the stadium...all lost because we have become a nation of rude, flatulent people.
God help us.
But what a lousy time I had.
Sitting in the bleachers has always been fun. Always.
Now, it's Raider Nation in blue.
The most obnoxious, vile displays of humanity were visible that afternoon in the right field box. It was enough to make me yearn for the comfortable, safe, confines of Folsom Prison.
I counted four fights in our section. Four.
One because two guys tried to slap at a beach ball at the same time and ended up hitting each other. One thing lead to another and security was called in.
A Dodgerarian felt it was neccesary to remind a Giant fan sitting in the seat next to him that the "GIANTS SUCK" over and over again, at teh top of his lungs, for a good three minutes. Having had enough he pushed Dodger Nation to the ground. Security was on the scene...bodies ejected.
Two Dodger Nationites couldn't agree as to who had who's seat. One of the two didn't like that the usher was telling him that his seat was in the next aisle so...security was called...Dodger fan took his seat.
Lastly, Dodger Nation 1 had a Dodger dog thrown at the back of his head by Dodger Nation 2 during the 7th inning stretch. Security pummeled said fans with thrown dodger dog.
And beach balls, oi, beach balls!
There oughta be a law against bringing them into a sporting event. But we need to start by going after the suppliers.
That would by the 99 Cent Stores. Every beach ball, save three, had emblazoned on them, "99 Cent Stores."
Two of the other three were shaped like tylenol capsules and had written on them "ROID'S" and "BALCO." Obvious references to Barry Bonds and the steroids issue plaguing baseball.
The last ball wasn't a ball.
It was an inflatable woman. Sigh...
And I swear if I ever hear someone say the phrase "____ SUCKS" again I just might pop someone in the kisser...and I will become a Giants fan. As I live and breathe...I will go over to the dark side.
And lastly...poor Michael Tucker, outfielder for the San Francisco nine, had to put up with taunts, curses and the ever imaginative, middle finger every time he came out to his position in right field. EVERY TIME.
These moronic Dodger Nation people (all men...all sporting tattoos, all wearing long shorts...all looking like extras from the movie "Colors") would stand, en masse, scream at the poor guy and flip him off, both hands, pumping away with boths arms, like pneumatic drills trying to tear a hole in the sky.
It was pathetic.
Luckily the real vermin were carefully cordoned off, deep in the bowels of the bleachers, unable to wreak their special brand of fanaticism on Dodger Nation. All fifteen of them...smoking their ciggies...
I tell you what...I would have given anything to have had those fifteen people sit near me, smoking away, than the 400 idiots that most of us had to endure that afternoon.
This I also will tell you...smoking isn't a crime. Being an asswipe in front of children is.
The fan behavior ruined an otherwise beautiful day at the ball park.
Blue skies, pigeons swooping down into the field, Stealth bomber majestically flying over the stadium...all lost because we have become a nation of rude, flatulent people.
God help us.
posted by Pancho at 7:02 PM
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